The Marin Foundation

So, you may notice a group of links over on the side of the blog, which will take you to some of my favorite websites relating to sexuality and Christianity. Over the next couple weeks I'm planning on doing a post relating to each of those sites. Today I'm going to be talking about the Marin Foundation and the book that was written by Andrew Marin called "Love is an Orientation".

I first heard about the Marin Foundation from a fellow student who mentioned it off hand in an email saying how cool the work they do is. I didn't think much more of it until much later when I heard someone talking about the book "Love is an Orientation", and how good it was. Intrigued, I got the book on my Kindle, and read it covertly over thanksgiving break at my aunt's house, and let me tell you, it was a life changer.

Andrew Marin is straight, and I am ashamed to say that when I found that out I wasn't sure I would be able to get much out of his book. I mean, how is a straight guy going to relate to me... he better not try to preach to me about what I feel. I couldn't be more wrong though. In college, Marin three friends come out to him as being either gay or lesbian, and it rocked his world. Since then he has moved to Boystown in Chicago, which is the gay neighborhood, and he has started a ministry for reaching out to the gay community.

In his book, Marin focuses on "building bridges" between Christianity and the gay community. These two have long been at odds, and more of the blame seems to lie with Christians, as Christians seem to be the ones who push away. Christians justify this by saying the being gay is a sin, but other sinners are accepted into the church every day. Whether being gay is or is not a sin, which is not a justification for how the church has treated gays. Building bridges is the idea that Christians need to work to get gays into the church. It’s like there is a massive divide between Christians and gays, and Christians are asking anyone who is gay to jump across. Rather, Christians need to work on building a bridge to help gay people over.

It is also a nice benefit that Marin does not take a position on if he is gay-affirming or believes that gay people should be celibate. This means the book is easily accessible for people who hold to either view. Overall, this book is a must read for people who are straight or gay.

Lonliness

Everyone feels alone sometimes (is that a line from a cheesy love song?). At some point in their life, everyone will feel as though they have been abandoned, betrayed, or like they have no friends. I've felt these things many times.

Just a year ago, I was severely depressed because I felt alone (for more, see my article "Gay at Wheaton"). I thought that God had abandoned, I thought that my friends and family would abandon me if they knew I was gay, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to be around me anymore either. What was, and continues to be, the source of my lonliness, was that I'm a gay Christian. "Why is that?" you may ask, and just a few weeks ago, I would have replied "I have no idea." Originally my lonliness came from a fear of telling people who I really am, as well as a sense of abandonment from God. But once I had dealt with those, I thought that everything would magically become better, and it did for a time. I experienced an emotional high of relief that people knew that I am gay, and that there were some people that I could be myself around. But soon the familiar feeling that I was alone began to creep back in. After some thinking, I realized why:

1. On some level, I cannot identify with straight guys. Sexual idenity affects our everyday interactions more than we give it credit for, and there is an inherant disconnect between me, a gay man, and my friends, straight men. Because of this, I often times do not feel connected to my straight friends.

2. I also cannot identify with my female friends. This one is more obvious: even though we're both attracted to men, we're still different genders. My female friends cannot identify with the problems I have as a man.

So this all leaves me with male friends who cannot identify with my sexuality and female friends who cannot identify with my gender. All in all, this makes my list of friends who can identify with me frighteningly small.
I think this means that the gay Christian feels isolated and alone. But there is hope. I recently read Andrew Marin's book, "Love is an Orientation", and it was a life changer. I won't go into too much detail now, as thats for a later post, but all I can say is that when he describes a group of gay Christians all worshiping together, I began to cry. Imagine: An entire church full of people who knew what I was going through and who could identify with my problems in a real way.

People need to be connected, they need to be able to identify with other, real, human beings who can understand what they are going through, and as human beings if we don't get this connection, we feel iolated and alone. Everyone will experience this at some point of their life, but I think it is especially poignant for gay Chritians. Being gay, we are limited with who can identify with us, and being Christians, we are told by our churches that we should not associate with those people who can identify with us (according to the church, where two or more gay men gather, sex will happen), but I think that those connections are important for our mental and spiritual health, and the few that I have had were like breaths of fresh air. Where do we find those? I'm not sure where to find the relationships we need, but I'm searching. If you find some, help out a fellow brother in Christ find his way.

Christmas!

So, I've been studying for finals all week and haven't had much time to write, so here's a quick post.

I've always thought that one of the most attractive attributes a guy can have is the ability to sing. So, in the holiday spirit, I give you "Mistletoe", sung by Corey Gray, who is both insanely cute and can sing really well. Enjoy!

My next post will probably have to do with either the book "Love is an Orientation" or about loneliness.

Two Pet Peeves

Many Christians have reprogrammed anti-gay responses to bring out when a discussion on sexuality arises. When I first heard them I was taken in by them and believed them, but once I started considering them, I realized that the two main ones that are used are actually pretty flawed.

The first response is that people who are gay can build a complete sexual identity without acting on their sexual desires. This argument often goes like this: "What gay people don't realize is that there is a whole part of their sexual identity that does not focus on their desires. They can build a whole sexual identity around that instead." This argument seems slightly crazy to me. Let me see if I understand this. If I ignore the largest part of my sexual identity, I can form a whole sexual identity? Something seems off here. Should I also ignore flour when I bake something and just focus really hard on the other ingredients? Or maybe I should try to get a car to work without an engine by having all the other parts be really high quality. People who use this argument are actually saying "I don't like the center of your sexual identity, so how about you ignore it."

The second common response is that gay Christians need to stop identifying themselves as "gay" and start to identify themselves as Christian. I am actually extremely insulted when I hear someone use this argument. They are assuming that I'm not identifying myself as a Christian, but I don't remember not having Christ be the center of my identity. Everyone has multiple things that shape their life and their identity. These may be our jobs, school, hobbies, relationships, friends or any variety of things. What we must do is order the importance of these things correctly. My Christian faith is the center of my life and my identity, and to think that it is not simply because I am gay is rather presumptuous. My sexual identity as a gay man is a large force that shapes my life, bit it is by no means a larger influence on my identity than my Christian faith.

Let me end this post with a final comment: God is the cornerstone of my life and my sexuality is not, but both inform my life in a very significant way.

Would I Change?

A lot of my friends say that they're "gay for" something (its usually Michael Buble). I've decided that I am "Straight for Jesus". That means that if someone said they could turn me straight and they thought I should, I would only do it it that person was Jesus. "Why is that?" you might ask, and its a good question.

I'm not sure if straight people can understand how much their life is shaped by their sexuality, and when I've told my friends that I would not choose to "be straight" or to "never have been gay" if I was given the option, and I don't think they understand why. Looking back through my life, I can see how much my sexuality has influenced how I interact with other people, the choices I have made, among other things. I know that the person I am today is heavily influenced by my sexuality, and the person I will become will be just as heavily influenced, if not more so. I don't think I would like the person I would be today had I always been straight. I would have never been so shy in high school, which influenced who my friends were, which made me the nerd I am today. I would have never been so scared of playing sports (locker rooms were terrifying for me), which would have taken away from my academics. So, one of the reasons I would not turn straight is because of the person I am today and the person I will become.

Another reason I would not "turn straight" is because of the plans I believe God has for my life. I don't subscribe to the idea that my parents made me gay, or that its some strange Freudian subconscious desire. Its pretty simple in my view. God made me this way, and he has a purpose for my life, and that my sexuality has something to do with that. I know that my current plans for life are based off of my sexuality. The reason I am currently looking to become a high school teacher and a school counselor is to help kids who are dealing with their sexual identity. Its something I wish I had when I was in high school. I believe this is a part of God's plan for my life, and I never would have arrived at this goal if I wasn't gay.

My life has been formed in a significant way by my sexuality, and I wouldn't trade my current life for anything, and I don't think God would ever ask me or want me to change. God's plan for my life is tied to my sexuality, and I am excited to see how it unfolds.

Here we go!

Where to begin.

Well, I am currently a student at Wheaton College, and this year I posted an article on our school's forum wall talking about my experiences at Wheaton as well as some of my own story (you can read it over there -->). I guess this post is kind of a tl;dr for that essay. Basically, I grew up in a very conservative Christian family, I realized I am gay at a young age, my parents found out when I was about 12, and I spent the next 6 years of my life with a counselor from Exodus, an ex-gay program.

These years of counseling were very difficult for me, and left me hopeless as I wasn't changing (apparently I'm just too gay). I had accepted my parent's view that I had to change, and now I found out that change just was not going to happen. My already delicate faith began to crack. I went into my freshman year of college hoping that being at a Christian college would fix my faith. It didn't. Christmas break of my sophomore year I found myself depressed, without faith and desperate. Seeing no answer, I decided that it would be better if I was no longer around. Needless to say, I did not kill myself, but how close I came still haunts me today.

Since then, with the help of my friends and organizations like onewheaton.com, I have reconciled my faith with my sexuality. I believe that a monogamous homosexual relationship is within the limits of Christianity.

So that's basically me in a nutshell. I'm going to try and post regularly, lets see how this goes!